I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
