Its about making memories worth repressing
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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