I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
How does one acquire holy water?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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