turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
