whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
