sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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