I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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