Having a random hookup so left but love u
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
