I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
