You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
