I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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