Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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