it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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