I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Randomize
