I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My ass is underappreciated
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
