"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
