Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
