I'm so fucking centered right now
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
