Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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