I love having hate sex.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
