he wants to bone in the snuggie
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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