Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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