Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
