I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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