were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
