Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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