if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
