Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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