I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
