So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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