my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
