We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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