That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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