how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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