I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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