Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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