mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
