I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize