My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
