If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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