Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
