I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
