playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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