is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
did i walk over a car last night?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
