omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
