Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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