I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
