So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
