dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
