I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
