You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
