I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
