His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Semen is not good for contacts.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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