i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm really busy with my period
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