Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
