Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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