Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
