I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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