i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
