i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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