They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
