my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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