textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
