i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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