then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Randomize
