I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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