She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
