and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you didnt know i had herpes?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
