so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
His nipple licking is glorious
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