No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
