i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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