my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
