You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I have aggressive nipples.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
