real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
