Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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