Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
