He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
