I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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