I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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