Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
