but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
