He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
