piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
