k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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