Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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