Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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