just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize