Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
