the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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