We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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