those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
