so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
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