cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
