Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
