Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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