my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
