she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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